the winner ...

Rock Pickin' and I've taken it down because I'm putting it back where it belongs best - the first chapter in a middle grades/YA novel.  Thank you for suggestions on how to make it better as a stand alone short story, but I'm giving it a bigger role as anchor chapter for my second novel.

note to novice writers

I have two published books,several academic articles, some poetry and a few short stories.  Long ago I learned that critiques from fellow writers is essential.  I don't know anyone who can thoroughly edit her/his own writing.